PS I Still Love You- Let's Talk About It
by Swa-Sa Masou
Summary: Why do these two insist on breaking up instead of having conversations about things. I know, it opened the door for the sweet stuff at the ball to happen and the other sweet stuff later, but come on. I want an actual resolving conversation for them. Begins at the aquarium, side track for a little advice from Dad, and their discussion.


_**A/N: normally, people have discussions with the people they're in relationships with. I know at the end of 'I Still Love You' she says that she wouldn't change a thing, but, girl, wouldn't you?**_

"Oh, uh, do you want this back?" Lara Jean fiddled with the locket Peter had given her and as she had just abruptly realized, she probably shouldn't wear it anymore.

Reaching behind her neck for the clasp, she was stilled by Peter's voice, "No, I don't want it back. We had a fight, Lara Jean, a fight." He turned away from her, shoved his hands in his pockets, and tilted his head back in exasperation. "Gah, I mean, do none of the couples in your romance novels have fights and then talk through things?" He spun back around to her and gestured to the locket, "I don't want it back because I don't want you to want to give it back."

Lara Jean had turned back to stare at the jellyfish. "I, I don't want to give it back." She didn't know what else to say. But _I'm not your girlfriend anymore and the moment I decided I wanted to act on my real feelings for you was all a lie_? This hardly seemed like the place. Sure, they were relatively in a private area, but for how long? Any of their classmates could wander down this hall at any moment.

"Then don't. I don't want to be done. I want to talk about this with you, please." He took a step closer to her and his voice became gentler, "Covey, please," He placed a hand gently on her shoulder, "Real couples talk about things. And not awkward, we're in front of the entire school and I have to get on a bus conversations, but actual conversations." He took another step closer and could clearly look into her eyes, eyes trying to restrain tears. "And if what you want is to be done, then I still think we should have a conversation about that too."

She shrugged his hand off of her should and wrapped her arms around herself. "Of course that's not what I want, I just-" She broke off, both because she was unsure what to say and because they were, after all, on a class field trip. "You're right, actual conversation. Can you come over tonight?"

He smiled, despite her body language. "Yes, Covey, yes. I can come over tonight. Uh, does 7:30 work? After dinner?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Lara Jean brushed past him, trying to find an even darker, more deserted corner of the aquarium to pull herself back together.

* * *

Later that day, Lara Jean sat on the counter in her kitchen, watching her dad make supper. "Dad, I have a question for you." She had been mulling this over, turning the words in her head all afternoon. Is this the kind of thing she could ask her dad about? Would he understand? Would he get upset about her being hurt by Peter?

Her dad wiped his hands on the towel he had slung over his shoulder, "I kinda figured you did, honey. This isn't typically how you spend your time after school." He smiled at her. "Is it about Peter?" She gave him a questioning look. "Kid, you almost didn't make it to school today and you've been holed up in your room. I know something happened."

Her dad was really more perceptive than the girls he raised probably gave him credit for. "Dad, did you ever lie to Mom and then she found out?"

He sighed and turned off the burner in front of him, "I'm guessing we're not talking about, 'yes, I love those shoes' type of lie?" Lara Jean shook her head. He sighed again, "Yes. And it happened the other way too." This surprised her. Sure, she hadn't been very old when her mom died, but she always thought they were the perfect couple. "Being a couple is hard, Lara Jean. You make mistakes. Now, as a general rule in relationships, you don't lie to your partner. I'm a gynecologist, I've seen plenty of lies unravel in my office and it has torn couples apart right in front of me. But sometimes you make a mistake. It might be that you're trying to spare their feelings or that you're trying to cover up something you wish you hadn't done, but it comes out and it just makes things worse. You learn not to do it." He made sure his daughter was looking right at him, "you learn not to do it because you care about the other person and you know that your lie hurt them, which is the last thing you want to do."

She considered this. Peter had said he was trying to protect her. To stop there being even more bad blood between her and Gen. "What did you do? I mean, how did you work past it?"

He smiled, "You talk." He leaned forward and turned on the burner again, "You apologize and really listen to what made the lie happen in the first place and you consider each other's feelings as you make a plan to go forward to help each other grow." Stirring in a few more ingredients, he let Lara Jean think some more in silence. "and if this has anything to do with Gen, I suggest cutting him some slack." Lara Jean was about to speak up, but her dad continued, "Don't tell anyone, but her parents are getting divorced and her mom wants her to go to a family counselor in my building."

Hopping off the counter, Lara Jean asked him, "How do you know that?" That would explain the hug and why he was with her that morning.

Picking up a piece of cooked broccoli to taste-test, he chewed it and then responded, "Believe it or not, honey, adults tend to gossip as much as teenagers do. Someone who works with me passed them in a hallway and overheard something and then talked to me about it because they know you two were friends."

"Huh," Lara Jean didn't really respond to her dad, but walked out of the kitchen and up to her room to think.

* * *

She was quiet through most of dinner, still wondering what she was going to say. She was confused about how she felt too. There was anger at his lie and the hot tub incident, she felt bad about her feelings about John Ambrose and how she'd been handling that situation, and she felt insecure, still, about his feelings for Gen. All in all, she couldn't eat much anyway because her stomach was in knots. She was still picking at her food when the doorbell rang and with a jolt, she realized that it was 7:30 already.

She looked quickly at her dad and then back at her plate, realizing that her dad knew who it was at the door.

"Kitty," her dad began, "I think we can clean up from dinner later, want a game of chess up in your room?"

"Absolutely!" her little sister agreed a little too enthusiastically. Did they plan this? Kitty quickly gathered everyone's plates, including Lara Jean's barely emptied one, and her dad whisked away the glasses.

Lara Jean stood and walked to the door as her family hit the bottom steps. Her dad turned one more time and, "remember, honey, communication and trust make every good relationship. Make the right choices for you." He followed Kitty up to her room. Lara Jean opened the door, willing her hand to be steady.

There stood Peter, hands in his jacket pockets and turning his body sharply back to face the door. "Hey," he grinned. He was clearly as nervous as she was, "I got kind of afraid that you had changed your mind and weren't going to let me in."

"Of course I was going to let you in, my dad and kitty just had to make their choreographed escape first." She rolled her eyes and led Peter to the couch. She sat down and hugged a pillow to herself.

"Your dad knows I'm here?" Lara Jean nodded. "Does he know why I'm here?" She nodded again, "I don't know your dad all that well, but I'm pretty sure he's not the type to come down here and chase me out with a shotgun, right?"

Rolling her entire head along with her eyes, Lara Jean just scooched over so there was more room on the couch and patted the seat, "Come on, sit down. You wanted to talk."

He sat and stretched an arm across the back of the furniture. Clearly an invitation, but not pushing her to make contact with him. "I figured the best place to start would be the hot tub."

"Yup, where, until recently, I thought we started."

Bringing one leg up onto the couch so he could turn to look at her better, he spluttered out, "it is! What you know now doesn't change any of that!" He calmed down some and lowered his volume. "Was I waiting for Gen? Yes. But in my fantasy world, best case scenario land, I was hoping it would be you instead of her. And then there you were. And you looked beautiful, and you said exactly what I wanted you to say and it was so perfect. I didn't want to ruin that by telling you I had actually been waiting for another girl and that she took that video in revenge!"

Readjusting the pillow, Lara Jean had to remind herself that she was mad at him, "If you wanted it to be me, why even agree to meet her?" it didn't make any sense.

He looked down at the thread patter on the cushion beneath him, "We'd made a plan, and your contract thing. I wasn't supposed to have feelings for you. I was supposed to want Gen back, so even though I was already crazy about you by that point, when she offered to meet me later, I tried to make myself stick to the plan." He looked back up and reached out to her before letting his hand drop when she made no move to close the space between them. "I'm sorry, I should have told you the truth, maybe not right then, but when we decided to actually date, I should have told you."

"yeah, you should have."

"I'm sorry."

Lara Jean scooted herself so that she was laying her head against his arm on the back of the couch. Not quite forgiven, but better. "And when you were with Gen the other day?"

"Like I said, she's going through something and I get it. So she asked me to talk to her. It's not my place to say it, okay? I know that sounds like bullshit and I know that it doesn't help that you think I'm always thinking about her, but I'm not. Everyone will know soon and when you find out, you'll understand too. Again, I should have just told you and not tried to hide it. I'm sorry."

Lifting her head, Lara Jean smiled for the first time in their conversation. "Yeah, umm, my dad knows what's happening and he told me. I get why you went to talk with her. I don't like it but…"

"but you get it. I know you two have too much history to be friends again, but you really need to let it go that you think she's an issue in our relationship. She's only an issue because you bring her up. Lara Jean," He moved the hand from the couch and shifted it into her hair, cradling her face, "I'm absolutely crazy about you. I'm not thinking of anyone else when I'm with you. I'm not worried about the past and I need you to trust me and not be worried about it either."

"That's easy for you to say when you're the more experienced one." She had leaned in to his touch, having missed this intimacy immensely.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah," She smiled. It was just so Peter, "none of that matters. All of my experiences that matter are the ones with you." He leaned forward and kissed her. It deepened until she was pulling at his shirt, "Woah, woah, woah, woah," he laughed, "Covey, again, I'm not trying to have sex with you here. The living room couch while your dad is on the next floor is even worse placement than a parked car in front of your house."

Lara Jean laughed too and pushed at him until they were safely seated side-by-side, much closer than they had been, with his arm around her shoulder. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For convincing me that we should talk." She twined their fingers together, "and being worthy of it." She smiled and they kissed again, lightly.

"I'm just glad you're willing to forgive me and give us another shot. I hated the last couple days."

Nodding, Lara Jean looked him in the eyes, "I did too. So we agree? Even if it might hurt the other person, honesty from now on?"

At that moment, a message lit up Lara Jean's phone, lying on the ottoman in front of them, the bright text on the screen loudly proclaiming that John Ambrose had sent her a message.

Peter saw it and his face turned stony, "Yeah, Covey, honesty sounds pretty good to me." He looked at her. "You going to look at that?"

Lara Jean sighed, "We're just friends. We have the ball at the Belleview to put on for the residents tomorrow. I'm sure it's about that."

"Okay, honesty," Peter was looking at the shoelaces of the foot that was still propped up at the edge of the couch instead of looking at her, "I don't like it. And not because I don't want you talking to other guys- that would be ridiculous. It's him, because of how the day at the treehouse went."

Feeling defensive, Lara Jean's temper flared, "Oh, so I'm just supposed to trust you to go off comforting Gen, but I can't do my volunteer hours with John Ambrose?"

Holding up a hand, Peter tried to calm the situation, "That's not what I said and that's not what I meant!" He shrugged, "I'm not running off to comfort Gen, it was one time. I don't particularly like spending my free time with her. And I tend to avoid doing it because I know it bugs you." His hands fell back into his lap, "but you like to spend time with him and, again, that wouldn't bug me except that until I mentioned it, he didn't know we were dating. You volunteer with him, spending hours at a time together, you even planned the treehouse thing, and it just happened to never come up that you have a boyfriend? On top of that, you were super weird the entire time," He gestured at her, "at school, here, at my place, at the mall, parties, wherever we are, we're holding hands or I've got an arm around your shoulder, you lean in to me, something. But that day, you kept space between us and I didn't get it until he tried so hard to stay and help clean up." He pointed at her again, "That's when it clicked."

Tossing her ponytail over her shoulder, Lara Jean tried to compose herself. They had said honesty even if it would hurt. Her dad has said that you needed to sort through the feelings of why the lie was said, or not said in this case, in the first place and then grow together. She took a deep breath, "When what clicked?"

It was Peter's turn to sigh, his seemed to draw from his soul and the agitation that had been there in his previous speech melted, "That you like him. Which is stupid that it took me that long since I know he got a letter, so obviously you had feelings for him. I just felt so good about us that it took me an incredibly long time to feel more than just surface jealousy."

Lara Jean grasped his hand and kissed the back of it. She lowered their hands, but held it tight. "You should feel good about us. I want you to feel secure about us." She paused, unsure how to phrase her next sentence, "Yeah, I do kind of like him." Silence greeted her words. He was waiting for her to say something. "I don't want to act on it, because I care about you, Peter. I don't want to lose us. You're more important to me than that."

"So why didn't you tell him about us?"

Squeezing Peter's fingers lightly, Lara Jean pursed her lips. Why hadn't she told John Ambrose? He had been ranting about Peter's shortcomings and, looking back, she should have defended him. It's what she would hope he would do if Gen, or anyone, was talking about her. It was what he had done after the hot tub video. He had threatened to beat up the whole school. She smiled at that.

"Hey, you've gotta let me know what's going on in that head of yours." He pulled at her hand, bringing her attention back to the present.

"I was just thinking about you defending me right after the ski trip when people were saying all those bad things about me."

He leaned forward, not toward or away from her, just repositioning himself. He could see her eyes better this way, "And that has what to do with this conversation?"

"When I tried to tell him that you and I are together, he brought up some things that you used to do that drove him crazy, like your athletic schedule and that you always take the last of whatever we're all eating. I'd never noticed before because it doesn't bother me. I should have said something to defend you. Then he brought up you and Gen and how all through middle school girls would get to him to try to get to you because they all just wanted you and-"

He cut her off, "and those two things brought up all your worries about those issues. Thanks, McClaren." He rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand, "I still feel like there were some moments when you could have slipped it into conversation."

"Probably," Lara Jean nodded. "I'm sorry. And as for the day at the treehouse, I don't honestly know what I was thinking, but I'm sorry for that too. I've messed up a lot as a girlfriend and I don't know what I'm supposed to do half the time and maybe-"

Suddenly Peter's hand was at the back of her neck and he was kissing her. "Don't." he pecked her lips again, "Don't finish that sentence, Covey." He leaned his forehead against hers. "I am happily walking through every new girlfriend/boyfriend experience with you. Even this one, this resolving a fight and talking through awkward stuff, I want to do this with you. I love you, Lara Jean."

She smiled as she clutched at his wrist. She bit her lower lip and then then whispered, "I love you too, Peter." They kissed again.

"So tomorrow," he began and trailed off, "tomorrow is that ball thing?"

"Yup. Serving punch to the elderly while they dance to songs only they know." She giggled, "You wanna come?" She knew the answer, but with the added incentive of John Ambrose being there, she wasn't sure if that could tip the scales.

He grinned, and shook his head, "Not even a little!" He held out an arm, inviting her to curl into his side. She willingly took the proffered space. "but it is the last volunteer thing?"

Nodding slowly, "Yup, then I'm done. And so are your worries that you don't have to worry about with John Ambrose." She paused briefly, "So, are we all good?"

Kissing the side of her head, Peter spoke softly, "I think so, do you think so?" She nodded, not trying to hide her smile. "Good, because," he wrapped his free arm around her and pulled them sideways onto the couch, making Lara Jean laugh, "this is _so_ much better than breaking up!"

Talking through her laughter, Lara Jean gasped out, "Definitely! That would have sucked."

"Agreed. So we agree? Amend our promise not to break each other's hearts with one that we don't want to break up? I think we both know that we're both going to mess up again. But when we do, I don't want you to be worried that we'll break up over it. I want to get better at all of this with you."

"I want that too." Lara Jean stretched and Peter lifted his head from the couch so that their lips could meet.

Behind them, they heard two heavy stomps on the steps and they shot bolt upright to see Kitty grinning at them, "We head laughter so he sent me to see if it was safe to come down but apparently not!" Her smile only got bigger.

Peter was laughing too as Lara Jean turned bright red. He held up a thumbs up to Kitty, "Nah, you're good. You guys are good to come down."

With an exaggerated sigh of relief, Kitty bounded down the rest of the steps, "Good, because I can only handle beating dad so many times in one night.


End file.
